A few months ago, our friend Lori asked me about my health when I ran into her in the temple dressing room. I laughed and said it was too confusing and if I didn't laugh about it, I would cry that every week there seemed to be a different problem. She asked what problems I'd had in the past few weeks and my mind went blank. Isaac and I have been in survival mode and we can't even keep our days straight, let alone health. I told her about my gallbladder, but I knew there was more. I was sincerely puzzled and just replied that I'd better not think too hard about it!
That night I couldn't sleep. I was so confused as well as frustrated that I am not a good journal keeper and can't remember what has happened to me. And why for heavens sake do I not keep better health records so that I have answers to all the questions (for doctors that is; I'm sure Lori is fine ;)). This year was such a blur, and yet full of such poignant moments that it would be a hard one to forget. I later made Isaac sit down and review each month with me until we could come up with most things (be prepared, it's long!):
December: Uncle Bill Blair dies from cancer. Brother Clifford, me, and my parents go to Alamo, CA for his funeral. So devastating that my trip planned at New Years to go see him and record some of his stories proved too late. Such a blessing, however, to be with his family and hear Daddy Blair speak at the funeral about their parallel lives as best buds.
Sister Brooke marries Aaron Cope in the Bountiful Temple on December 27. An open house followed in January at her/my parents' home. It was so great to see faithful family and friends from decades gone by. That makes all four Blair siblings married for eternity!
January: Isaac sees Hawaii for the first time for a work trip to BYU-H! He decides he wants to take a class from Utah State, watching remotely. He also decides he'll take on a second job with co-workers called GeoMancer. I humble myself and relinquish after huffing and puffing that he does not have time for this. But we will need the money and he wants the skills. For me, the month brings ovarian cysts and a new endocrinologist.
February: Grammie Muirbrook dies at age 97. Such a legacy left and relief for her, but I was devastated. Sometimes I still go sit in her recliner chair in our nursery and cry looking at the angel Isaac's mom gave me at her passing. Tears come at my parents house on holidays when she's not there to play games. I feel her with me multiple times this year.
March: Spring break brings a trip to Bear Lake with Summer, Leisha, and children. Love that beautiful blue water. Tear my rotator cuff demonstrating a tennis serve to them. Dr says the surgery is overrated and sends me to a Physical Therapist instead. Seven months later and counting I'm back with him, this time for much more than the shoulder. ;)
April: We have an amazing day with my family and Elder Wilson's in the Conference Center as Daddy Blair's Navy story is told AND a temple in Layton (presumably near my old Junior High) is announced! It had better be done by Daddy's 95th birthday. :)
I cannot get rid of some stomach problems and after weeks, finally go to Family Practice. After multiple visits, tests, and a trip to the hospital for an expensive gallbladder scan, I am shocked to learn my gallbladder is just fine and instead I have the colon infection C-diff. Thankfully, the $2 solution did the trick vs. the thousands $ plan B. We also gear up to do a round of ICSI, leaving $18 in the bank account. No extra ovum develop so we convert the IVF round to IUI instead.
May: Presumably I'm expecting anyway after I start becoming exhausted and over the toilet throwing up two days in a row at exactly 7:28 a.m. The Bountiful temple recorder has been telling me that I am the only person they feel good about and will consider for a new on-call, paid secretary job that I did not want. I try to convince him otherwise, but finally I feel that it's right. I accept the job with the Temple Department and immediately proceed to bleed for twelve days.
June: I've trained maybe thirty hours at the temple and earned $1000: just the amount of my medications for the month. When I later go off them, my endometriosis feels worse every month. Didn't have any tutoring students in all of June, so we are so grateful for renters downstairs and new jobs!
I am Beehive Counselor in Young Women and this year's camp is in Moab at Ken's Lake/Arches National Park! Isaac and I are also called to be "tribe parents" for Stake Youth Conference: Moroni's Quest. After months of training and [attempted] preparation, we head to Evanston and re-enact the Book of Mormon on a stage and battlefields. :) An incredibly interesting, fun, sometimes frustrating, and spiritually uplifting experience that we feel privileged to have.
July: Gear up for an ICSI redo, but first I deal with cervical stenosis again. (Last year when a procedure to check my cervix was impossible, I had to go to a hospital and be put under general anesthesia to get it open.) This set of doctors does it unmedicated. Out of necessity and mercy from the Lord, the worst pain I have ever had in my life turns into an incredible spiritual experience.
Multiple times a month I go either to Provo for ultrasounds or Logan for check-ups, each time driving past the Little Bear River. An egg retrieval and implantation does not result in a lasting pregnancy but that doesn't cancel a relaxing summer getaway in Cache Valley.
I experience my first gallbladder attack after having worked late at the temple. Guess things changed after the HIDA scan in April. Doctor tells me to lay off the fried foods and watch my diet better. Ha ha! I have never seen this physician before, so I bite my tongue about my health freakish diet.
August: Some people get a winter-time slump. For Isaac, it's summer-time, and things are steadily going downhill. Bountiful Temple closes for six weeks and I only go in twice for an hour or two, mostly spent with my supervisor and the recorder who want to take me on tours of the construction. :) If it weren't for that, I would have no idea how much work and changes really went into that "refreshing."
Another new specialist: this time for urology issues that have been going on for years but have become too much, too frequently for my GYN to deal with. Lots of fun stuff! :P I still laugh and count my blessings until I hear at some point that my sister-in-law miscarried twins separately: her only frozen embryo. My health problems pale compared to hers and Preston's and for the first time in my life I am mad at God.
Perhaps the highlight of the year is a belated week-long celebration for Daddy Blair's 90th Birthday. The brothers come to Utah and each day we have activities along the Wasatch Front that represent experiences in Daddy's life. I feel like I have the coolest parents ever and am so grateful for siblings, nieces, and nephews who are wonderful people.
September: My doctor won't budge on his calendar and my cycle, so we postpone our travel ideas to October and hope it's worth sticking around for another cervical procedure and pregnancy helps. It is. :) This time it's an injection instead of suppository for extra progesterone (to prevent pregnancy loss). Those are by far the worst shots I've done, but Isaac is a champ at giving them and our motivation is high to keep "Little Bear" alive. My favorite neighbor across the street dies, leaving his wife of 60+ years and High School friend of my dad's. I'm sick of people dying! In better news, Isaac pulls through and is a great help around the yard and home, where I haven't been able to keep up this year.
October: We spend more than half of the month with my mom and brother on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to New England where my Blair cousin is Mission President and we have two other relatives and friends. We see historical sites, do scenic walks and drives, and pack in the seafood and cheese tasting! My excuse is that my doctors think I need to relax and that we're rich after not spending $12K more for egg retrieval (it was a frozen embryo this time). ;) Plus, by next leaf-peeping season, a newborn will keep us from wanting to travel, right?
I come home to positive blood tests and ultrasound. Things seem to be going well despite that the last month has been fraught with terrible back and uterine pains. But I'm not tired or nauseous. I pass it off as a back injury from day two on the trip and perhaps a pregnancy that is finally different. But alas, there is no heartbeat. This is our hardest pregnancy loss yet, in part because the doctors were so confident it would last, but even more so because we didn't know who to turn to for love and support. Almost everyone we told (I'm sure in not knowing what to do) said or did nothing or proceeded to give us advice and it just made everything awkward. We hadn't heard from people we are "closest to" in months without initiating ourselves (usually with no response) and the whole experience left me with a lot of selfish resentment and Isaac pure disappointment in family and circumstance.
November: U of U, who has been studying Isaac and I through our Fit Bits and fertility testing this past year, becomes so much more useful to us in many aspects than the other private endocrinologists and gynecologists. New doctor elects to do an MUA to assist in the miscarriage so I'm not bleeding for weeks and so the fetus can be tested for genetic abnormalities. Best decision ever, though I then start to feel nauseous, too exhausted to get out of bed in the mornings, and with back pain so bad that Isaac has to roll me over, help me out of bed, and get me dressed, resembling the times he had to lift me out of the car in New England. I later learn that endometriosis does not in fact go away during pregnancy, and that it and the pregnancy loss are the likely culprit in all this. Now the Physical Therapist is working less on my shoulder and Isaac's hip, and more on my hip and pelvis. Walking, sitting, or standing too much is painful.
"Boogie" was due with a baby boy this month. They named him Caleb Thomas, after the Old Testament man and the missionary who brought both the Blairs AND the Copes the gospel (Preston Thomas). To our ultimate shock, Caleb comes still born just a couple of days before his due date. His services and a somber but fun Thanksgiving are a time to grieve as a family and finally accept our losses this year. Isaac and I deal with emotions that have been pushed away for a long time. We are blessed to learn so much from these so-called "trials" and know that the Lord is tutoring us every step of the way.
December: Speaking of tutoring, after having several students in the spring, I'm back to doing all home study with Heather this semester. She has matured so much and we have already completed her Statistics term in 11th Grade Math and will be finished with Fairytales and Financial Literacy before Christmas break! We are looking forward to a hopefully very low key Christmas! We are so excited to celebrate our Savior and the love He has given each of us by giving back through #LighttheWorld. For the first time, we will enjoy Christmas morning at home with ourselves and the Lord, then later serve at a Evangelical Homeless Party. My love, Isaac, has been my biggest blessing of the year and we are happier than ever before; THE END!
Time to put the past in the past and move onto...
2019!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember when 1999 was like the climax of life and things just couldn't get any crazier? Man, was I wrong. Happy New Year, everyone!
