Happy 7th Anniversary to us! That is my favorite holiday and Isaac is my favorite person ever! He says he has a little matryoshka doll (me and the wee one inside) and it's sweet. He's been a fabulous husband and father and very patient, as always, but especially through everything he's had to put up with this summer.
Here are the details about the baby we're having...scroll through to the bold parts if you want the short answers.
When are you due?
Valentine's 2020, or if you ask the numbers king, he wants me to give birth a week late so we can have a 02/20/2020 baby. I think my preference would be something between these two popular days, but I'll take whatever.
How many weeks are you?
My goal is not to count the weeks on this one. I dreaded that question with my pregnancy losses and it's just stressful to count up/down and makes it go by more slowly when I think about it. I'm hoping to be present with wherever I'm at and just experience it as it is! I can tell you that I'm around four months and that is twice as long as I've made it yet! My main emotion has been relief that the worst is over, because at this point I don't think I could repeat the hardest summer of my life and probably would have just stopped trying the pregnancy thing. Thankfully the Lord assured me that I don't need to worry about losing this one, that the baby is fine, and I just need to focus on taking care of myself, especially spiritually.
When do you find out if you're having a boy or girl?
We won't be finding out the gender. We only have one more ultrasound. I know the "gender reveal" is exciting and comforting for most people, but for others it's just a disappoint. In our case, we want children of both sexes, and if you'd had as many painful ultrasounds as I have, you'd likely understand why I avoid them if possible. People went for centuries without ultrasound and they survived the unknown. 😊 And we're not concerned about knowing any potential problems ahead of time unless there is something specific that can be done to change the situation. However our babies come, we'll deal with it in time and love them just the same! Plus, we're too practical and poor to get everything pink or blue and then redo, so anything we prepare in advance will be gender neutral anyway. Lucky me that my favorite color is pale yellow!
What are you going to name him or her?
We will announce the name after the birth. I've had list of names for about 13 years now. Many have fallen off the list, but some remain constant. I also have a husband who gets a say, and since he will be giving the children a name and a blessing, I'll be excited to see if/what he'll accept from my list! Regardless, he won't be making any final decisions or giving spoiler alerts. I can guarantee some of you won't like the names for whatever reason, but that doesn't matter. We don't need the feedback either way. We will name our children what we present to the Lord and have confirmed by Him! Our neighbor told us we reminded him of Hannah and Samuel in the Bible in this way.
Who are you seeing for an obstetrician and what's your plan for the birth?
I have a midwife group that works through the University of Utah. I've had one appointment with them and Isaac and I took a class about the benefits and practices of midwifery. Their team has degrees in nursing and advanced degrees in midwifery. The best medical care I've received and most my current specialists are already at the U. Since they're the state's only designated "Baby Friendly" Hospital and top for high risk pregnancies, I didn't see a point in changing. A few years ago while visiting a patient there (little Madison) and ironically NOT liking the big hospital feeling and homeless scene of the ER, I had the prompting that it was right for my children to be born there, at least at first. Since that time I've had many doctor opportunities there and it's grown on me. I also love the idea of our children being born in my favorite city on Earth and where Isaac was born and raised. My hope is to have as few interventions throughout labor and delivery as possible, but we'll see how brave I can be and who will be more stubborn: me or the nurses. Hiring a doula to be our advocate and assist me in laboring should help.
Have you had lots of morning sickness yet?
With all due respect, I don't like that term. I prefer it be called "anytime I'm not eating and sometimes even then sickness". Now I know why people gain weight in pregnancy!😋 I've actually been losing weight, though, because I have no energy physically or mentally to cook, let alone go buy groceries (see previous posts). I've had a bit of a belly most of the summer, but that's actually from bloating and candida in my stomach and not because the baby was big enough to show yet. So while the nausea and other health problems have been worse on this pregnancy, I've actually thrown up less (oddly to my chagrin), had less round ligament pain, less trips to the toilet, and stayed awake better than previous pregnancies. Unfortunately I'm in physical therapy because of problems in my hip area again and am back to fairly constant yeast infections or UTIs. And randomly my mouth and teeth have taken a hit as well. I'm certainly not trying to complain, though. Other people have it so much worse and the Lord has helped me get out of bed long enough to survive work. In short, for me, pregnancy is a lot harder than infertility, but I actually don't think it's the pregnancy so much as just Amber health issues on steroids. The Spirit told me that life wouldn't be life if things got easier instead of harder, and this is preparing me for the challenge of motherhood.
Is this why you have depression... because of your hormones?
No, but good question. (I had the same one myself even though the depression and anxiety diagnosis actually came prior.) But my endocrinologist and therapist both say hormones are not to blame: there are not really prenatal hormones that cause depression in the way postpartum ones do. They say I can pretty much guarantee I will have postpartum depression, though, but that this stems back from earlier stress from relationships and not from chemical imbalance. All my hormone levels and blood work are looking great! I didn't stay on the risky pregnancy list long and everything is looking healthy and normal for the baby.
Are you excited?
Trying to be! I've struggled more than ever before so it's hard to be happy when I don't feel like myself mentally and don't have the stamina I expected physically. I try not to guilt myself, but that turns into feeling guilty about feeling guilty, especially when most everyone else is so happy for us. We are truly grateful for our blessings, and the perfect timing of the Lord. We've been nervous/anxious to be parents for a long time now, but we trust that it is now right. We've received lots of comfort that even when things won't go perfectly, they will still be fine. The Lord continues to sustain us, teach us, and has shown plenty of tender mercies through our jobs and callings that have helped us endure.
Addendum: After announcing this news to many people, most seemed a little shocked that we're having children, particularly who have read the blog post from the spring. We don't blame you! We are pleasantly surprised ourselves that it worked out this soon, even though we always knew we would have our own someday. So no, we're not adopting a child or an embryo and yes, it's still true that we got nothing from our ICSI. Like we said, it's a miracle!
Addendum: After announcing this news to many people, most seemed a little shocked that we're having children, particularly who have read the blog post from the spring. We don't blame you! We are pleasantly surprised ourselves that it worked out this soon, even though we always knew we would have our own someday. So no, we're not adopting a child or an embryo and yes, it's still true that we got nothing from our ICSI. Like we said, it's a miracle!
Thanks for your interest and support!
