Something told me as a freshman in college that I wouldn't
be getting married very soon. I still anxiously
wondered and waited for that day, but also saw so many girls struggle with the
agony of being single that I just prayed they'd all get married before me and
have their wishes come true. I watched
most of my roommates get married and move away and it was sometimes hard to see
them have what I wanted, but I knew I'd rather it be me in my shoes than them. I knew I'd be okay. My heart still aches for those who aren't yet
married, but then again, I still had a great life worth living when I was
single, so why can't they be afforded that chance, too?
Not having children yet has been similar. Of course I thought I would have children by
now. Of course I want them one day. Of course I know Heavenly Father wants that
for me one day. I know a main reason He
wanted me to experience fertility mishaps, though: empathy for the many family
members and some friends who have also struggled for children. Isaac and I have prayed for them like we have
the singles--that all their dreams would come true, even before ours did, if it
meant they could be happy and us be in those shoes again instead of them. Sometimes it works and we're happy and other
times I may get jealous and upset (he never does ;)). It can be hard being on either side of the
coin: letting yourself be happy even though someone else wants what you
have--or--letting yourself be sad when someone else has what you want. The more I'm grateful for my life for what it is, not what it's not, the more my
problem of comparing myself to others doesn't matter. And I am very grateful for these past 3 years
without children. Bottom line: even
without kids, I still have a great life worth living.
