...Nothing happened that is, until I miscarried near the end of
2014--which was actually more physically painful at first than emotionally,
especially since I didn't even realize what was happening. Isaac and I had stayed home from church and
were both in a lot of pain, which I just assumed came from my flu shot or his
flu. I don't like taking pregnancy tests
and hadn't charted that month so I didn't even know I was pregnant until I
pieced together the symptoms and events and confirmed with my doctor. She and I were both sad and thrilled all at
once: I wasn't infertile! I knew I could
conceive and so all her fertility tests in line for the next month she no
longer deemed necessary knowing that my body was completely capable. All the sadness and "unfairness" of
miscarriage came later, but so did more hope and assurance and excitement that
the timing must certainly be right now and things would work out when they were
supposed to. My thinking was that, after
all, we'd been married more than two years at this point, having been open to
children all that time when others were "accidentally"
conceiving. So surely I had the faith
that the Lord could answer my prayers to get what I wanted at least by the
time I turned 30 a year from May.
That clearly wasn't supposed to work out. Within eight months I had three more early pregnancy losses and "unexplained infertility" because nothing was found
wrong with my body in any of this level , that cycle, this obstruction, or that
timing. I was getting pregnant, and my body seemed capable of holding a
pregnancy, it just wasn't, even with some helps. That was beyond what the doctor could assist
with and since Isaac had rock solid faith that it would simply happen when it
happened, we just kept on. We quit
reading the books and the literature and seeking advice from all the friends
and fertility experts, and just waited.
Then this summer his sister nicely suggested a fertility
treatment and it was like we'd never heard of it or considered it before until
we looked it up in our know-it-all-book and realized oh yah, we went down that
road before and were left only with a stupor of thought back then. We concluded then that as soon as Isaac got a
job and we had better health insurance, we would be in perfect position for
children anyway and could better afford the best of the best treatments. If we got lucky, all of our problems would be
solved, if we even still needed them solved by the time of our appointment!
