"I'm going to smash your face in" says Janae out of nowhere as she bursts forth out of our room toward Aimee on the couch. I proceed to watch watch Janae beat Aimee senselessly with pillows. Of course I don't step in and help. I'm too busy choking on my oatmeal because I'm laughing so hard. I near the couch in anticipation of the fight, yet being in one of my fits, lose my balance, fall sideways over the couch, and miraculously roll right side up with oatmeal in tact and dress in non-flashing position. (This is indeed miraculous because as Emily will testify, if I'm on the floor more than .27 seconds I'm not getting up without first shaking for five minutes, forgetting to breathe.)
Janae decides to poke fun of this weakness and promptly lays me down on the couch (me now gagging the oatmeal) and puts a blanket on me so she can watch me shake and laugh to hysterics. But instead of beginning her own laughing fit, she turns back to Aimee and with seriousness says something like "Well do you want me to leg wrestle you then?" as if her pillow pounding was not near the damage it could have been. I try to reply with a sassy "What's that supposed to be, a compromise?" but instead I find myself actually choking this time and hacking up the oatmeal. I know, sounds disgusting, but if you were there, it was too good.
Janae steals Aimee's phone and locks her out, Aimee threatens to throw away Janae's angel, and the yelling goes on as I call Janae a psycho and we reminisce about her throwing me on my bed today in what I deemed a "vulnerable position." And she wonders why she can't convince our other roommate Jess on the phone that she is not a violent person. This turns into scheming how we can scare Jessica when she gets home and Janae decides we should first end the night with a "happy Halloween song." Wrong thing to say she realizes, with me in the room. I took my perfect opportunity to sneak into the dark living room and harass the both of them with my favorite Anastasia rendition "In the Dark of the Night" in my best Rasputin "creeper reaper" voice as Aimee called it. Can life get any better than this (it was midnight mind you)? I submit, it cannot!
And if that wasn't even funny to you, you've either never been my roommate (who knows exactly what I'm talking about), or even worse, you've never lived with 5 other girls. If such is your plight, I instead direct you to the second funniest thing I saw all day:
Missionaries singing "You Raise Me Up" (After the intro, fast forward past the instrumental and middle sections until the "choir" enters.) And if you can't laugh at that, come trick-or-treating with me on Friday and I'll give you all my candy. You could use some extra late night sugar. :)
