To be honest, I don't think people need disclaimers. In this I'm a hypocrite. I inadvertently disclaim all over the place as I discredit myself in my speech, my blog, and most definitely my Twitter posts. I know I'm bizarre and thus easily misunderstood by other people. And yet, aren't we all? It's like we feel the need to prove ourselves otherwise. And that's dumb. Be yourself, be proud of it, and (with sass that only Bailee can muster), let others DEAL WITH IT.
So here I give my explanation, and then I leave it at that, with the goal to never undermine my actions, unless, thanks to my pride, an apology is due.
I've discussed with Emmaline the blog dilemma: What is it? Your journal? Your travel log? Your life history/embarrassing moments :)? Your business (or self) promotion? Your vent steaming with complaints and boiling for sympathy? Or how about your life, your heart? That's my style, but then my mother would argue that's too personal for the world wide web (or anywhere when dealing with the sacred). (She's gonna get nervous later on. :))
How do you make a blog or email or journal entry real? I want my blog to be positive--after all, the basis for this site is my quirky tender mercies. I also don't want to appear fake--like I have a smile pasted on my face and am naive to life's problems. Uh oh...[sometimes] guilty. I'm not a trained writer in the slightest, and for anyone, explaining your honest-to-goodness feelings is difficult, if even precisely possible. That's the reason I hesitate to post things like my quarter-life crisis below. :) I know it won't do my feelings justice. I know it won't sound too profound or be overly enlightening. I know no one (save One) will truly understand what I'm thinking. And yet I want to record it. And share it.
Why? Keep your business to yourself, and I'll keep mine to my self, right? Right. I'm not the only one who is blown away every day by the constant learning I'm going through. For me that's the best part of the worst parts of life. And all of you have that same growth, I know you do. We're all blessed to be in this great game called life, each move individualized for our own win. In this respect, I totally honor those genuinely valiant people who live their religion quietly, never trying to force themselves on others or demean the slightest element of agency. Kudos to you, you don't need to talk. You prove every day, just by being you, what the rest of us can only say. If there's anything I've learned this week, it's to follow your example to speak less and listen more.
Even still, I like to teach. Not preach. Please don't confuse them. I don't want to boss people around. I don't want to pester you with questions to understand your life and then blaze forward with advice. (Okay, only half of that statement is true--we all know I love pestering you with questions. :) Even still, you don't often need commentary on your answers.) I read my patriarchal blessing all the time and rationalize when/how I fulfill the part that says I have a responsibility to share my feelings about the gospel and help others understand and live its principles. But that's only in intimate conversations or in non-member missionary work or in the direct stewardship of my calling, right? Wrong. I'm not living up to my responsibility if I disregard all the other circumstances afforded from simple sharing. Of course that doesn't have to be solely through sentimental blog posts that to some people appear conceited, overly grateful, didactic, or just plain TMI (too much information :)). Every once in awhile, though, why not? I feel it's for me, hopefully in accordance with the Holy Spirit. It may not be for you. That's not bad. Your blog could be full of every tiny terror mishap in your day, or every silly event of no consequence, and I would LOVE IT. (Heck, my last five posts are evidence of these perspectives also.) I only ask that you afford me and anyone else who chooses to divulge or keep hidden whatever ridiculousness we divulge or keep hidden that same respect according to our personal preference and discretion. In the end, if you disagree, that's really just your problem. Isn't it actually between me and the guy upstairs, anyway?
I guess all I'm saying is that every human being wants to be trusted, respected, and understood. I'm going to work better at doing that for you, my closest family and friends whom I trust, respect, and understand at least enough to disclose this precious little log we call a blog. I have every ounce of faith that, in our self-centeredness, you wouldn't have judged me otherwise and this all really isn't a big deal. In that case, forgive me for my apprehension and lack of confidence. I'll work on that. And I hope you will too, knowing that I have complete confidence in you to be who you want to be, who He wants you to be, and not what I want you to be. Thanks, and loves,
Amber :)
