Last summer, my mother in her wisdom, removed text messages from my phone plan (meaning they are blocked). I can't blame it on her--it was my fault for running up the bill with overage costs. At first I really didn't like it, and then it became okay, but was sometimes still sad to hear of friends who had tried to get a hold of me via texting and just thought I never responded. To the contrary, I always feel a great need to respond (so if I don't, I forgot that you called or am honestly not answering for a reason). That need for prompt response has grown and grown to the point that it carried over to emails and any other kind of communication I had with people--especially since last week when my phone snapped in two. Email was my only link and I became addicted to it. As of late, I much prefer to attack emails right as they hit the inbox because if I put them off they build up too quickly and get lost in the other to-dos. But this was out of control--checking my email several times a day, sending people two-liner emails (and you know that's not me) whenever I had anything I thought to say to them, and being really disappointed if people weren't on gchat and I wanted to talk to them. In addition to that, facebook (which of course I'm on, but had big issues with) became a more frequent thing and tweeting on Twitter was the only way I could think aloud to someone...even if that someone was no one. Well, in this manifesto, I would like to state that it was hypocritical of me to hate facebook and I rather like it now; and I'm obsessed with Twitter.
And I now I'm going on a fast from both of them, gchat, and will only check my email once a day.
Why such strictness after I've just professed my love for online communication? I'm not a moderate kind of girl, and if I'm going to change, it's got to be all or nothing. I can't just say I'll Twitter less or only check facebook if I have nothing to do, or only stay on gchat for ten minutes. It just doesn't happen.
When I went to get a new phone, I discussed the same options I did three months ago about getting a Blackberry and fiddling with the idea of texts again and a data plan. How connected I would be and how easy everything would be to have that great technology and organization right at my fingertips. Well, obviously I don't have a problem checking my email every two hours, and can I honestly not wait that long to "get in" on the social networking and news? Ridiculous I thought, so I bagged any kind of fancy phone, and thanked my mother for not having text messages. It makes my life so much less complicated and I have the assurance that if someone really cares about me, they'll just call me or come over, and let me know that they only have two minutes to talk and not twenty. And that is great. The blessings of internet set aside, I'm just too much of a people person to be dealing with computers more than the human voice and face. Janae asked if that would affect my blog also, and it has, but I take the prerogative to put this in a category of journaling/self-reflection that doesn't rob away hours of my time. I hope none of my friends will be offended thinking that following them on the news feed, sending a text, or talking to them on gchat is not a good part of a relationship in addition to being a learning opportunity and reflection itself. It's just that I think I have an even better way--and that is using the gift I've been given to love people in a personal way in addition to a "data" way. I have so much love for my friends and family inside that I just can't keep it all in without making some boundaries. I'm grateful for the gift of my heart and the Holy Ghost to tell me when I could make someone's day or they could make mine, and when I'm not a horrible person for not reading their blog or stopping to chat on the sidewalk. I'm grateful that in my new state of old-fashionedness, I don't have to soak up every opportunity to follow every thought, news flash, and status update of even those whom I love so dearly. I'll just have to love them on a less frequent, more interactive, and hopefully more intimate way.
P.S. When you see me on gchat next, I'll have ended the fast (probably temporarily until I find the right balance of all this). Feel free to say hi...I mean it. :)
